she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
false alarm, still single
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