i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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