My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
