she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize