Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wear drunk well.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize