The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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