Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
