y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
