oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
