I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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