I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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