I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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