No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
