Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
