The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize