Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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