Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
