This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
