I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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