you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
