My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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