I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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