I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize