I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
