we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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