id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
