I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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