Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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