It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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