just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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