giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
