I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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