I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
