i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize