He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
