Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
