If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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