something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
