Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
