I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
