So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
