just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
