My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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