The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
