im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
