We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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