I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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