Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
