"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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