am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
