I think im going to throw up on grandma
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
