Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
