you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's shark week go big or go home
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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