Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
