u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
