guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
