my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
