is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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