Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
