My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
