Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
