i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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