i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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