We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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