You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
