My nipple is on Facebook.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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