You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
