AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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