More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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