I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
