Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
