i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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