mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
