found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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